I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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