I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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