dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
