I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
