Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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