Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
