Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
