I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
