I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
