Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
