I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
did i walk over a car last night?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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