mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
