you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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