Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
