The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
