woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Of course I have a pirate flag
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
