After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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