how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
