I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
