you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
