We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
