his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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