I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
