Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm always down for nudity.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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