I just saw a hot homeless man
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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