my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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