I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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