Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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