So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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