White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
