So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
