I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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