I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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