stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
