I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
