you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
