just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
