dude i'm inner monologue high
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
