i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am mentally ready for anal.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize