If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
