i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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