while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
