Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
