We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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