when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
