can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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