guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize