I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
And then he peed in my hair
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