My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
