We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
