Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
