i need an iv and a liver transplant
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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