Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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