I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
