oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
