69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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