just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize