i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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