Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
