Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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