me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
