On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
