Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
