I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So vagazzling was a success
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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