How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
