this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Randomize
