my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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