I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize