He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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