she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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