Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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