weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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