When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
