he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
