why didn't you poke me back
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
