I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
