All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
