i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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