As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
